The Light Brigade Lantern is a series of SATIRE based on true events in our local and state governments.
I came up with it to help share the facts of a true story with a twist of humor and how I saw it from a different perspective that made me laugh.
You will find sources on which that this satire article was based from throughout. Enjoy!
If you’ve been following the story of the Butte County Commission’s shenanigans, you’ll notice their ability to be very forgiving, albeit selective in the forgiving process. The latest in this story shows they’re consistent in this and it should warm the hearts of the Butte County citizens.
Being Butte County royalty after all, Harms, Ager, Walton, Herman, Sheriff Lamphere and SA McCartney all showed grace and mercy towards GLP Custer, LLC, a marijuana business owned in part by Rod Woodruff along with two brothers, James and John Mueller. GLP Custer was found to be in violation of the county ordinance concerning the residency requirements , as no one on the board that was listed on their permit application was a Butte County resident, yet was able to operate anyway for an entire year. Once this was discovered, an owner of a marijuana store in a different county yet under the GLP umbrella came to beg mercy and forgiveness from their royal highnesses on behalf of Woodruff and the Muellers.
Their renewal was initially denied, yet reports from local citizens say that GLP Custer never ceased operating and no one in the sheriff’s department or State’s Attorney’s office made them shut down. Their renewal came up again a month later, and it seemed Ager did a song and dance routine to prove that GLP Custer was clear for renewal after they suddenly found a person within their employee ranks who is a Butte County resident. While it still doesn’t satisfy the requirements of the ordinance, Ager’s song and dance was enough to get the rest of the commission, except for Erk, to vote to approve along with him. While Ager said he wants to see the renewal “cleaned up,” he didn’t seem worried about it enough to put action behind his many words, as seems to be on par with Ager as a king….err…commissioner.
Butte County citizens are asking why our State’s Attorney is more concerned going after the tax paying peasants and their children while letting off a business illegally operating and making the county lose out on $10,000 from the potential fine she could’ve charged them with. In response, the county government pointed to The King James Bible, saying that King James Ager preaches forgiveness and unconditional love, and in order to practice what Ager preaches, they must do everything in their power to protect these marijuana businesses.
“But, what about the continuous violations of the law from these various marijuana businesses? Aren’t you going to do anything to enforce the law?” Asked one Butte County citizen.
Ager replied, while pointing to the King James Bible that he believes was written by him, “Remember, folks, we must forgive 70×7! We have so many opportunities to practice this art of forgiveness right now, so let’s perfect it!”
Another citizen asked, “If that’s the case, then why didn’t our high school seniors receive forgiveness as well?”
Ager didn’t respond. Lamphere looked away towards the Mexico border while repeating under his breath the lines he was practicing for his upcoming speaking engagement about it, and SA McCartney repeated that she never threatened them with a felony, while holding the letter she sent them that said she had grounds to charge them with a felony.